“Don't be envious when the grass is greener on the other side because you don't know how much crap it took to fertilize that ground.”
Sy Rogers
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Courtroom Justice
Last week I had the chance to experience something that, I'm sure, many disgruntled ex-spouses would give at least a small toe or two to see. At a post-divorce court hearing, I saw my ex-wife arrested for an outstanding probation violation warrant. And I had a front row seat.
Here's a little background...
As far as ugly divorces go, I've been told that mine was among the most extreme ever seen. Well, if a lawyer from Portland's most prestigious family law firm has any legitimate opinion, then there ya go.
Here's the backstory: In a nutshell, I had a period of time after my first wife died where I made some fairly poor decisions. One of those decisions was when I decided it was a good idea to marry a (supposedly) former heroin user.
(You don't think I can hear those groans!??!;)
My well-analyzed mindset at that time is a topic for another book. For today, we'll just continue with this story.
Anyone who has personal experience with addiction can relate to my story. As a matter of fact, they can probably write a lot of it; for, as we learn in co-dependent recovery, addiction is progressive and always ends up in one of the same places if left untreated: jail, death or insanity.
In my case, I got together with a woman who (unbeknownst to me) had fled a drug charge in another state. The charge? Prescription drug fraud for pain killers. Why flee? Because she violated her parole by "accidentally" getting into heroin. Mmm-Hmmm.
Fast forward to a couple years later and you'd find this woman having gotten pregnant on purpose in order to have me marry her. It worked.
During that time period her addiction was never honestly treated. She "played" at recovery with NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings here and there, but also with a continued litany of "problems" that always allowed to her to be prescribed something or another.
There were anti-depressants for depression that was alternatively denied and then used as legitimate reasoning by her. There were benzodiazepines for a new "anxiety problem." There were hidden dentist pain prescriptions for tooth pain from cavities that were left untreated (in order to continue to have "legitimate" pain claims).
There were more, I just get tired of listing them.
Then there came the Meth.
Again, once you introduce Meth into the mix, things go from worse to exponentially catastrophically horrendous.
With Meth use you get to experience things like mom disappearing from the kids for hours when Dad is away on a business trip. You find the kids new Christmas toys slowly "disappearing" one by one. You see a once full piggy bank completely empty except for a few pennies. You can't seem to find your chainsaw, salmon pole, or first wife's pearl jewelry purchased in Hong Kong that you were going to give to your daughter on her 16th birthday. Not to mention the continual nonsensical fighting & lack of peace in the home.
Situations like this were commonplace and led to the inevitable divorce.
** Now I must pause here and say that there is SO MUCH more to the story, but in the interest of time I am only telling the Reader's Digest version.**
The divorce was kicked off like a 4th of July fireworks display in reverse-- where the grand finale came first and the rest was a long, slow trickle of anti-climacticism where you weren't sure when the end was truly coming.
In my case, I had to file a restraining order when my Meth-induced wife tried to kidnap my kiddo after I had simply taken her to her grandfather's house. When you factor in a mother-in-law who is also an addict and who tried to help her Meth-daughter kidnap the child AGAIN, then you can start to see what I was dealing with. But again, this is not the HALF of it (and that is exactly why I am writing a book).
The divorce case settled on the eve of a scheduled THREE DAY trial. Let it be said that my lawyer wanted to go to trial SO BADLY... but alas, she saved me thousands and we got basically everything we wanted by settling anyway. Yes, including custody. :)
So that brings me back to why I am writing this. That is a result of a Facebook post describing my mood the day I had box seats to seeing the most evil person I know put in cuffs. It was not due to any "set up" of any kind on my part. It was strictly the result of consequences of her own actions. Since our separation, she had at least two arrests for shoplifting and false statements to a police officer. This latest arrest was for probation violation stemming from the conviction of one of those other offenses. Our day in court was to finally settle the monetary issues regarding the house I bought before we were even married (it's still not settled). So she showed up (late) to court with an outstanding warrant and-- BOOM: Book 'em Dan-o!
Some people may think I am gloating or classless for "bragging"about watching my ex get arrested.
If that is you, consider this...
I am not gleefully pointing my finger doing a happy dance here. I even left the scene before it was over in order not to heap on 'humiliations galore.' I simply had a degree of satisfaction that, I'm sure, many people never get to experience in their lifetime. I write for all those who think justice will never come to them.
Based on sworn deposition, I had first-hand knowledge of things the ex was going to attempt to testify to. The partial list includes physical abuse, child porn, child abuse, animal abuse, contributing to her addiction, and more. This is the same person who the law required I pay between $60,000 - $80,000 for less than two years of marriage!
When one considers how low a person can go... where truth is only a distant memory and ruining a person's reputation is an afterthought... then perhaps you can begin to understand why I had a minor sense of satisfaction to watch the Princess of Lies bound in front of me and my sweet, current wife.
I mourn for my ex's two teen girls whom she has taught to hate me. But perhaps this is part of her "rock bottom" where she can gain some clarity and start making life saving choices.
But based on my experience with her, she just learned to hate more and blame someone else.
Here's a little background...
As far as ugly divorces go, I've been told that mine was among the most extreme ever seen. Well, if a lawyer from Portland's most prestigious family law firm has any legitimate opinion, then there ya go.
Here's the backstory: In a nutshell, I had a period of time after my first wife died where I made some fairly poor decisions. One of those decisions was when I decided it was a good idea to marry a (supposedly) former heroin user.
(You don't think I can hear those groans!??!;)
My well-analyzed mindset at that time is a topic for another book. For today, we'll just continue with this story.
Anyone who has personal experience with addiction can relate to my story. As a matter of fact, they can probably write a lot of it; for, as we learn in co-dependent recovery, addiction is progressive and always ends up in one of the same places if left untreated: jail, death or insanity.
In my case, I got together with a woman who (unbeknownst to me) had fled a drug charge in another state. The charge? Prescription drug fraud for pain killers. Why flee? Because she violated her parole by "accidentally" getting into heroin. Mmm-Hmmm.
Fast forward to a couple years later and you'd find this woman having gotten pregnant on purpose in order to have me marry her. It worked.
During that time period her addiction was never honestly treated. She "played" at recovery with NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings here and there, but also with a continued litany of "problems" that always allowed to her to be prescribed something or another.
There were anti-depressants for depression that was alternatively denied and then used as legitimate reasoning by her. There were benzodiazepines for a new "anxiety problem." There were hidden dentist pain prescriptions for tooth pain from cavities that were left untreated (in order to continue to have "legitimate" pain claims).
There were more, I just get tired of listing them.
Then there came the Meth.
Again, once you introduce Meth into the mix, things go from worse to exponentially catastrophically horrendous.
With Meth use you get to experience things like mom disappearing from the kids for hours when Dad is away on a business trip. You find the kids new Christmas toys slowly "disappearing" one by one. You see a once full piggy bank completely empty except for a few pennies. You can't seem to find your chainsaw, salmon pole, or first wife's pearl jewelry purchased in Hong Kong that you were going to give to your daughter on her 16th birthday. Not to mention the continual nonsensical fighting & lack of peace in the home.
Situations like this were commonplace and led to the inevitable divorce.
** Now I must pause here and say that there is SO MUCH more to the story, but in the interest of time I am only telling the Reader's Digest version.**
The divorce was kicked off like a 4th of July fireworks display in reverse-- where the grand finale came first and the rest was a long, slow trickle of anti-climacticism where you weren't sure when the end was truly coming.
In my case, I had to file a restraining order when my Meth-induced wife tried to kidnap my kiddo after I had simply taken her to her grandfather's house. When you factor in a mother-in-law who is also an addict and who tried to help her Meth-daughter kidnap the child AGAIN, then you can start to see what I was dealing with. But again, this is not the HALF of it (and that is exactly why I am writing a book).
The divorce case settled on the eve of a scheduled THREE DAY trial. Let it be said that my lawyer wanted to go to trial SO BADLY... but alas, she saved me thousands and we got basically everything we wanted by settling anyway. Yes, including custody. :)
So that brings me back to why I am writing this. That is a result of a Facebook post describing my mood the day I had box seats to seeing the most evil person I know put in cuffs. It was not due to any "set up" of any kind on my part. It was strictly the result of consequences of her own actions. Since our separation, she had at least two arrests for shoplifting and false statements to a police officer. This latest arrest was for probation violation stemming from the conviction of one of those other offenses. Our day in court was to finally settle the monetary issues regarding the house I bought before we were even married (it's still not settled). So she showed up (late) to court with an outstanding warrant and-- BOOM: Book 'em Dan-o!
Some people may think I am gloating or classless for "bragging"about watching my ex get arrested.
If that is you, consider this...
I am not gleefully pointing my finger doing a happy dance here. I even left the scene before it was over in order not to heap on 'humiliations galore.' I simply had a degree of satisfaction that, I'm sure, many people never get to experience in their lifetime. I write for all those who think justice will never come to them.
Based on sworn deposition, I had first-hand knowledge of things the ex was going to attempt to testify to. The partial list includes physical abuse, child porn, child abuse, animal abuse, contributing to her addiction, and more. This is the same person who the law required I pay between $60,000 - $80,000 for less than two years of marriage!
When one considers how low a person can go... where truth is only a distant memory and ruining a person's reputation is an afterthought... then perhaps you can begin to understand why I had a minor sense of satisfaction to watch the Princess of Lies bound in front of me and my sweet, current wife.
I mourn for my ex's two teen girls whom she has taught to hate me. But perhaps this is part of her "rock bottom" where she can gain some clarity and start making life saving choices.
But based on my experience with her, she just learned to hate more and blame someone else.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
